death by water

To some a time of relaxation, getting away from the days troubles and relaxing in a nice warm bath. Bubbles gently burst on your skin, the aroma of some exotic soap emminating from the tub. To my son however, you may have well put him in a tub of bubbling acid. The second the water touches his skin, the shrill screams exiting his mouth is enough to make a banshee run in fear. So what is it about "being clean" that troubles these young children? Do they derive their social status among other children by the amount of crap they can accumulate on themselves? Maybe acting as an insulator during cold weather? Or maybe perhaps they just like to plain smell like something that has crawled out of a sewer and died. I had woken my son up one morning, rushing to get ready for church my wife had decided to have me get him up and throw him in with her to save on time. I pulled his sweet little head from his pillow and through the slits in his tired eyelids i could see he was happy to see me. As his eyes opened a little more he glanced across the hall and his little heart sank. "Daddy no no no no, I want to sleep I want to sleep!!" he screamed as he bolted toward his bead. After wrestling his clothes off him and unwrapping the pretzel of limbs protecting his diaper flaps, victory was mine. I believe teaching proper hygene to these young individuals is just as hard if not more than potty training, at least it is with my child. I can get him to sit on the potty for hours but the mere mention of bathing or heaven forbid brush his teeth puts him into a violent rage.

ten to none

My wife should be the one writing this but i beat her to it. I am but a man amongst men in a womans house and though we out number her ten to none it seems this new addition to our family has not gained us any foothold on the running of the home.

During pregnancy the husbands role makes a drastic change from what it was prior to the child creating event. Though the man may not like it he dare not complain. Raging hormonal imbalances rule over the household court and turn it into a jury of one, odds stacked against him he has but one choice, to listen. Listening for a man is a complex function, one of which not even the men understand let alone the women trying to figure them out. This breaks down into two categories 1.) comprehension and 2.) absentmindedness. Comprehension occurs when the words being spoken to a man pass through the ear canal and imprint on the brain where it stays and can be recalled at strategic times throughout the males life to avoid contention and or dominate an argument ( a one out of a million chance, sorry guys). This brings us to absentmindedness which runs the males cerebral cortex 90% of his life. This can easily be identified however and leads to such things as marital nagging. Thats right guys we don't marry naggy women we create them through our own efforts so shame on you. This inability to imprint messages and information on the brain poses all sorts of spousal spats from, "I sent you out for milk, whats with the chocolate", and "where's the milk!", to "i'll just do it myself next time!" and of course "honey can you pick up some milk?" and thus the vicious circle starts again. So guys don't feel bad that you don't remember these things it is in your genetics not to and wives don't ask anything of your man that a green bean couldn't understand cause chances are you're looking at one. Guys give up that fantasy of "putting your foot down" she'll just cut it off and leave you with a stump, instead focus your energies at things you do well, eating, sleeping, and watching tv.

The "opinion", this mythological concept does not exist. Men we do not have opinions though some of us still tend to think we do and thus the murder percentage goes up another point...................to be continued